more tales of cat

yes. i have been hogging tumblr

find me if you can ;)

bogged down and trashing around~

oh well.
i'm poking at tumblr now.
because of jan-jan LOL

bogged down and trashing around~

oh well.
i'm poking at tumblr now.
because of jan-jan LOL

the few essentials for grieving:

Comfort food eg. instant noodles
Instant noodles or kim chi for me. sweet stuff was never really in my radar for comfort food, or maybe i just don't seek comfort in food very often. but it used to be ice cream. you just eat it when you cry and cry and cry. i don't know how that works, but i told a dear friend of mine something similar and he said i was right. maybe he was just humoring me.

Your 'space' eg. a nice green garden
one thing i am most grateful for is the green patch behind my house. a nice big green patch with bushes, flowers, leaves and tress to grow in. It's a nice place to sit at while you grieve over losses and the inevitable consequence of life. in the future, God willing, i'll get myself a house with a nice garden, maybe then my parents can sit and enjoy the calm with me and my brother before we have to sit there with families of our own, without them.

Animals eg. dogs
It seems as though i find solace in animals rather than my parents or my brother. maybe i'm developing schizoid personality disorder. but the comfort they give, is not something a human can offer, or at least, i have not experienced it. their fur and silence and loyal companionship... unchallenged.

Not be around in the event they need to re-dig the carcass from it's grave and move it else where
seriously? this will scar the kid for life. just don't do it.

the hardest part about death i'd say, is not for the ones who are lost for they are in the comfort of so many who are lost, but for those who have lost, a part of their life taken away. you could say they can find comfort in the arms and wings of those who have lost as well, but nothing will be the same. no worldly or material sort of comfort can ever replace the loss of those who have lost.

everything is coming blow by blow. exams, tests, assignments, leadership being put to the test, death, painstakingly watching as the inevitable takes place... the last part, i dare say, i've brought upon myself. where i knew, before hand. and did it anyway because i had no choice. you could counter by saying there is always a choice, i guess you're right, the choice was between him or me. i chose him. because i can deal with me, i can't watch behind a glass as it slowly tears him apart. i couldn't do that.

the dust will settle. the skies will clear. its just a phase they say, and it wont hurt but a bit.
i'll wait. i'll wait. just make it quick.

i realized how much i dislike mugging subjects. hence my theory based on me choosing the wrong career path could be accepted. however, i shall remain... thick skinned and shameless, in the most crude way possible of labeling myself. my mom tells me time and time again that i have such low self esteem. and that is not wrong!

amidst all the sunshine and optimism i manage to surprise myself with, my dark cloud of negativity hangs over my head and shoulders like it always does, bringing me back to earth and keeping me there, which is what suppresses and probably makes the need of dreaming and evasion of reality so much more stronger. is it weird that my thoughts are so conflicting? undeniably strong optimism and unchallenged insecure pessimism can really reside in a single human vessel? i begin to wonder.

i think this is what interests me most about people. such thoughtful creatures, regardless of how thoughtless they come across to be.

this is probably why my time is not devoted to my studies. too busy building castles in the sky about theories based on the human psyche. which would not help me in achieving the future i have planned, or will it? for a future i have not planned but am to live? 

life. how curious, it makes one.